What’s your name?

While robbing a home, a burglar hears someone say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ To his relief, he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something it had heard.
The burglar asks the parrot, ‘What’s your name?’ The parrot says, ‘Moses.’
The burglar goes on to ask, ‘What kind of a person names their parrot Moses?’ The parrot replies, ‘The same kind of person that names his Rottweiler Jesus.’

###

I was in the waiting room of my doctor’s office the other day when the doctor started yelling, ‘Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!’ I went up to the nurse and asked her what the hell was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots.

###

Two caterpillars were crawling along a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead.  One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: ‘You’ll never
get me up in one of those things !’