I’m not telling you

Two oranges are walking down the road. The one orange says to the other, ‘So, where do you live then?’ and the other replies, ‘I’m not telling you, you’ll nick my washing off the line!’

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A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. ‘Listen to this,’ he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. ‘It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great person.’ ‘Yeah,’ his wife nodded, ‘and it has your weight wrong, too.’

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Two statisticians when duck hunting. Not being very good, they did not see a duck all day. Just as they agreed to leave, a duck flew out in front of them. Both aimed and fired. One shot went two meters to the left of the duck, the other two meters to the right, and the duck escaped.  However, they went home very happy, because on average the bird was dead!