No one heard a thing
Couples are out touring a house that they want to buy with a realtor when they ask the realtor, ‘The house is very nice, but is this quiet neighborhood?’ The realtor answers, ‘Sure, there have been six murders, seven robberies, and no one heard a thing.’
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A monastery falls on hard times so 2 monks decide to open a FISH & CHIP bar. On the first day of opening a woman comes in and sees one of the monks peeling spuds, so she says to him, ‘You must be the chipmunk’, he replies, ‘No, I’m the friar’!
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Couple goes to a psychiatrist. Woman says, ‘Doc, my husband thinks he’s a dog. Can you help him?’ Shrink says, ‘Sure, have him lie down on the couch.’ Woman says, ‘Oh no. He’s not allowed on the couch.’
