I’ve only got a sore knee!

Chap goes to the doctor, who examines him and says ‘Hmmm, OK, go over to the window and stick your tongue out’. ‘But’ protests the chap ‘I’ve only got a sore knee!’. ‘I know’ says the doctor ‘but I hate that bloke across the road’.

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A guy goes into a restaurant on Christmas morning for breakfast. The waitress serves him his eggs Benedict on a large and very shiny, metal plate. The guy says, what’s with this plate? The waitress says: ‘It’s Christmas, and there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.’

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Two ladies were walking in the woods when they saw a raccoon on top of a tree stump. The first lady asked, ‘What do you think? Do you think it’s rabid? The second lady answered, ‘No, raccoon.’