What will I sleep on

Husband tells Doctor, ‘Doctor my wife thinks she’s a four poster bed.’ Doctor replies, ‘In that case, she needs to go into care.’
Husband responds, ‘But what will I sleep on’.

###

Stopped at a friend’s house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered, ‘Yeah, 3 males and 2 females’. Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. He answered, ‘3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone.’

###

One cow says to the other. ‘Aren’t you just so worried about the mad cow disease?’ The other answers ‘Why should I worry? I’m not a cow, I’m a helicopter!’