I’m positive!

2 atoms were talking, 1 atom said to the other ‘why are you crying?’ the atom replied ‘I’ve lost an electron’, the first atom said ‘are you sure?’, ‘yes’ replied the other ‘I’m positive!’

###

Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. ‘Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?’ he asks. ‘No,’ says friend, ‘he’s had his dinner and now I’m taking him to the pictures’.

###

Patient: Dr, Dr - I can’t get this song out of my head and it’s driving me mad. I can’t stop humming ‘It’s Good to Touch the Green Grass of Home’.
Doctor: ‘Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome’ Patient ‘Never heard of it’
Doctor  ‘Well it’s not unusual...’