I’m POSITIVE!

Two drunks are sitting at a bar.
The first one says, what’s this thing that they call a ‘Breathalyzer’?
The second guy says, ‘It’s a bag that can tell how much you drank.’
The first guy says, ‘I married one of those things years ago.’

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There were three guys
They each were asked to name something green, pink and yellow.
The first guy said ‘my shirt is green, my tie is pink and my pants are yellow’.
The second guy said ‘the grass is green, the sun is yellow and my door is pink.’
The third guy said ‘the phone goes ‘green green’, I pink it up and say ‘yellow’.

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Two atoms are walking down the road.
One says to the other, ‘OH NO! I just dropped an electron!’
‘Are you sure?’ asks his friend.
‘Yes’ he replies ‘I’m POSITIVE!’