The teachers don’t like me

Mum: Come on, John, eat your breakfast; you’ll be late for School.
John: I don’t want to go to School. The teachers don’t like me, the children don’t like me-even the caretaker doesn’t like me!
Mum; All the same, you must go. John: Why should I go?
Mum: Well, for one thing you’re forty five years old, and for another you’re the headmaster.

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Two elderly gentlemen were talking. One says, ‘Boy, this new hearing aid I got works great! I can hear everything now.’ The other one says, ‘That’s wonderful! What kind is it?’ ‘It’s a quarter past two.’

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A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told: ‘You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.’ ‘Great!’ says the frog. ‘Will I meet her at a party?’ ‘No,’ replies the psychic. ‘Next year, in a biology class.’