I am trying to out run you

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said ‘its no good trying to outrun it, its catching up’. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied ‘I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to out run you’!

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A man went to a pet shop and said ‘I’d like to buy some wasps please.’ The shop keeper said, ‘I’m sorry, we don’t sell wasps.’ ‘Well I saw three of them in the window!’ replied the man.

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Little Johnny is working away furiously in the woodwork room when the teacher enters. ‘what are you making there, Johnny?’ he asks, ‘a portable’ replies Johnny. The teacher looks puzzled, ‘a portable what?’. Johnny replies ‘I don’t know yet Sir, I’ve only made the handles!’