He goes to the door and opens it

A guy walks out to his porch one day and sees a snail crawling across the step. He picks up the snail and throws it across the lawn, into the street. Two years later he hears a soft knocking on the door, he goes to the door and opens it. The snail, looking up from the ground at him, says ‘Well what was *that* about?’

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This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, ‘Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-­‐like look on my face!  What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!’ The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, ‘Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight....’

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It’s spring time and a family of moles decides it’s time to come out of hibernation.  The daddy mole sticks his head out of the ground, smells the air and says, ‘mmmm, smells like bacon.’ The momma mole sticks her head out, smells the air, and says, ‘mmmmm, smells like pancakes.’  The baby mole tries to stick his head out, but there isn`t enough room, so he smells the air and says, ‘mmmm, smells like molasses.’