She was a good wife for sixteen years

As a funeral train passes by a golf course, a golfer on one of the greens stops stands at attention with hat held over his heart as the hearse goes by. Then he goes back to lining up his putt. His playing partner remarks how that was the nicest gesture he’d ever seen, to show such respect for the dead. The first golfer sinks his putt and says, ‘Well, she was a good wife for sixteen years.’

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A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named ‘Amahl.’ The other goes to a family in Spain and is named ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responds, ‘But they are identical twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amahl.

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A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says ‘can I sell you some double glazing.’ To which the man replies ‘no’ and kicks him down the street. Two weeks later there is another knock at the door. The man answers it and it is the snail again. The snail then says ‘what did you do that for then.’