That’s not my dog

A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog.
One man says to the other, ‘Does your dog bite’, the man replies ‘No my dog doesn’t’ The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, ‘I thought you said your dog didn’t bite’ said the injured man.
‘That’s not my dog’, replied the other.

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A piece of straight, clean string goes into a bar and orders a gin and tonic.
The barman serves the drink; the string downs it and walks out.
Ten minutes later a dirty, twisted, ragged piece of string walks into the bar.
‘Here are you that piece of string that was here ten minutes ago?’ asks the barman
‘No’ replies the string ‘I’m a frayed knot’.

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A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh playing the fruit machine.
He calls over, ‘Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?’ and Van Gogh replies, ‘No thanks. I`ve got one ‘ere’.