Why are you arguing?

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, ‘Why are you arguing?’
One boy answers, ‘We found a ten dollars bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.’
‘You should be ashamed of yourselves,’ said the teacher, ‘When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.’
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

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A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there’s a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman ‘What did you do that for?’

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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.