Dad, I got expelled from school

Boy: Dad, I got expelled from school.
Dad: WHAT? WHY?
Boy: A kid said ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.’
Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.

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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
`And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?` the reporter asked.
She simply replied, `No peer pressure.`

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
How old was your husband?` `98,` she replied.
`Two years older than me.`
`So you`re 96,` the undertaker commented.
She responded, `Hardly worth going home, is it?`