A heart attack

Teacher: “Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?”
Student: “A heart attack.”

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Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”

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Sylvia: “Dad, can you write in the dark?”
Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”
Sylvia: “Your name on this report card.”