You died three times already!

- Hi, John! I have heard that you died three times already!
- Hmm, but you’re no better – you haven’t come to any of my funerals.

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A priest tells the prayers:
- We have one good news and one – bad ones. The good thing is that we have money for the repair of the church. The bad one – the money are still in your pockets.

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In a shop:
- Give me a roll of toilet paper.
- What color would you like?
- White please, I will color it myself…