Monica has been tossing and turning in her bed for quite some time

Monica has been tossing and turning in her bed for quite some time. Oh! Her body was on fire. The tongue completely dried up. No one was around so that she could ask for a glass of water. She doesn’t feel like getting up either. Let there be pain. Let the body burn down in pieces. She is a woman; destined to suffer and swallow the pain. How old is she now? 57. No wonder her body is undergoing this severe hot flash.

And what about the men of my age! They are on the prowl to enter into women’s body at will. She doesn’t want to indulge into idle thoughts anymore. She just spreads her body and lie down on the bed motionless. 57 years! Not much and yet not less either. The body has often been sending her signals.

It’s been three years she had stopped menstruating. Suddenly she remembers the first day of her menstruation. She was perhaps a bit puzzled then. While in grade five she was completely taken aback looking at the blood passing with her urine. No one prepared her for this bodily phenomenon even though she came from an enlightened family. Monica thought perhaps a boil formed in her private parts which eventually burst into this stream of red water. In those juvenile years it was a constant nuisance for her. Countless times she had to become a laughing stock in the classroom for those embarrassing red spots in her uniform.

She never understood why those girls giggled. After all she was not the first girl to have the menses. Each and every woman has to embrace this in their life. Then why did they laugh? Perhaps they did so due to their immature age. And in our society these are indeed matters of shame not to be talked about. Although this is the 21st century! But how does it matter for a woman to pass from one century to another? The same old whirlwind! She feels like laughing out loud. She had to withstand two C-sections performed in her body.

She recalls not to have noticed blood stain in her undergarment for about a year. She felt relieved for not having to use the sanitary napkins. But while working on computer or in kitchen something bothered her in the back of the mind. No show in this month too! Could it be that other possibility? She brushes off the thought for she couldn’t remember the last time her husband slept with her. She laughs again. The sex-life of the Bengali couples! That doesn’t last much long. But how come she was not menstruating anymore? The time has arrived then! Yes indeed, Monica’s worst apprehension has finally come true. How bizarre the life is! And the women’s body is another goldmine of wonders. She realized that she was getting older.

She was running 54 then. While standing in front of the mirror she didn’t find any wrinkle under her eyes, the face skin was smooth and taut as ever. Perhaps those expensive cosmetics were behind this wonder. Only when she was in rigorous diet the creases beneath the chin become little visible. But what will happen now that she has ceased to menstruate? She couldn’t stop this from happening with any medication. From this day on she has lost her ability to become a mother. Once upon a time she was a ripe woman; two cute little embryos grew up slowly in her womb. She will not have this power anymore. Will she lose the sexual desire too? Time is always a big hindrance for women. Some glands will begin to behave erratically now. She was thinking all these things lying in her bed then.

Monica was gently parting her hair while lying down. She is an educated woman. She knew this was a very natural physical change, then why was she so perturbed? Does she require psychological counseling? Can she deny this inevitable transformation of her woman’s body? She was very timid to disclose this matter even to her husband, let alone to others. Something invisible always shuts her mouth up whenever she wants to brace this topic of Menopause.

Monica laughs at these silly thoughts. Women are shy to discuss even more trivial things than this serious matter called Menopause, which is nothing but carrying a woman’s body like an infertile land.

Translated by Alam Khorshed, Translator and  Bangla Academy award wining writer