Imagine yourself in a country where everyday, in the news you see Bengalis like yourself beaten up, left lacerated in the streets and in some cases murdered. How would you feel? Would you feel safe in that country? What if I told you that this is perhaps what every woman in this country feels whenever they see or read the news. Under such circumstances, for a woman to feel insecure around any man shouldn’t be very surprising. This begs the question, what can we, as men, do to make sure our female counterparts (be it our friends, girlfriend, unacquainted classmates, colleagues, etc) feel safe around us. So, I reached out to some women I know in order to inquire about their thoughts on this matter.
According to Shuchi, a friend of mine, guys shouldn’t be too specific when it comes to their complements, because somewhere between “You look great today” and “I like your (some intimate body part)” is a line beyond which a compliment enters the realm of harassment.
Although both can be considered “compliments” by definition, one can be the reason for a girl’s smile, while the other will most likely cause her to feel anxious whenever she is in the office or school or wherever she has had to experience such abomination. In short, women are not likely to take any compliment, based on her private body parts, in a positive light, unless she is in an intimate relationship with that person.
Another aspect to be mindful of when interacting with anyone, particularly women, is the importance of always respecting consent. No! Physical intimacy isn’t the only time when consent is necessary. Whenever a person wants to involve another into something, no matter how small it may seem, it is always important to ask if she (or he) is interested. As Odri apu, a senior of mine, puts it, “Even if a girl refuses to go out or take a mere photo, respect her decision and don't continue insisting”. If a guy keeps insisting despite a girl’s refusal, then it clearly indicates that he doesn’t respect her choice, and therefore, doesn’t respect her. And respecting a woman is one of the primary ways for us, as men, to help build a future that is more woman-friendly.
And it isn’t like we must master some sort of advanced behavioral art in order to ensure a comfortable environment for the women around us. In fact, they just want us to behave the way we would around someone we indeed respect. “I mean”, Odri apu went on to add, “I have noticed that some males tend to behave very differently around women as if we are a different species. We don't need that extraness, to be honest. Treat us like a normal human being. If you are actually "safe" for me (or any women) you don't need to show it by doing something extraordinary. If you respect women genuinely, it will reflect upon your natural behavior”. In the end, all it takes is some general sense of decency and respect.
But, ultimately, before we can help women with anything, we must first make sure that we ourselves aren’t deeply drenched in misogyny. That we won’t tolerate the abasement of any woman, even if it means going against one of our friends, and whether we personally know the victim or not. If any one of us ever makes a bad comment toward one of our female friends or any girl passing by, the other friends, especially the guys, must stand up for the girl. Period! As long as we continue to tolerate any form of aggression towards women, not only can we not ensure safety for the women in this country, we will continue to contribute to the culture that makes it unsafe.